1. This all begins with your own attitude as well as your spouse. Have you accepted God's design for your life? Here are four steps to help and then you can weave them into the life of your developing child.
a. Be grateful to God for those things beyond your control whether they are good or harmful. Stay alert to any signs of resentment, ungratefulness, or dispute concerning God's design. Hebrews 12:14-17
b. Thank God for the way He has made you so far. Psalm 139:15-16.
c. Put yourself back on to God's 'potter's wheel' and purpose to cooperate with His plan of development. Isaiah 45:9-10; 64:8; Jeremiah 18:1-4.
d. Dedicate yourself to serve Christ by reproducing His character in the lives of others. John 15:16; Romans 12:1,2; 2 Timothy 2:2-10
Affirm God's work in your child's life. Lead the child in prayers of thankfulness for certain features. Give God credit for those things beyond your control.
Recognize right and good achievements of your child. Proper praise of another's work is befitting a Christian, especially a parent. Appreciate the efforts of your child. This does not mean to accept unrighteous or disobedient acts blindly. But understand what your child has done, why they did it, and what the lasting results will be.
Avoid belittling and stabbing remarks. Martin Luther in reference to defeating Satan wrote, "For lo his doom is sure; One little word shall fell him". That can also be said of one little word from a parent to a child. "You stupid…" or other similar words attributed to the child is not only a stumbling block to the child but an insult to the Designer of that child. It also reflects a lack of quality in your own life. Children as well as adults may make poor decisions. But that does not mean that they themselves are defective in design. What they decide and do may be wrong. Who they are is a matter of their root nature. If they are born of God they have His Spirit. If they are not born of God they have a sinful nature and prideful spirit that must be corrected. Even at this stage the overall design of their life is not flawed. Watch your words for "by them you shall be judged!"
Study good and godly character qualities in the lives of Bible people and real life folks. Identify the poor qualities as well as the good. Work with the child to understand the cause and consequences of such qualities. One helpful resource is the Character Sketches series by the Institute in Basic Life Principles. An important part of this is to study the biographies of great Christians and let them become the heroes for your children (Psalm 16:3).
Avoid the influence of ungodly character qualities presented through the media and some educational material. If the child is exposed to such influence be sure to discuss the Biblical view of those qualities and pray through the situation with the child. Remember that the world is full of ungodliness. So the key to future success is to build discernment early in the child for what is wrong and why. Building the understanding for why things are right and wrong is more important than the easy "because".
