How do I help my children to submit to God's sovereignty?
Here are some guideposts on the road to obedience in children.
Be subject to your authorities. That means you must be reconciled with your authorities. Forgive any past offenses (more on that later). This also means you must honor and respect your authorities. Also, uphold and support your spouse. This is essential.
Some parents are unduly eager to gain their children's approval and 'friendship'. You are to set the standard. You are the appointed judge God has placed in your child's life. They are to learn to please and honor you; not visa versa.
Therefore, your word counts. As the child matures, you will learn to listen to them and consider their input. The more they have learned to honor you and proved obedient the more you can trust their judgment as they age. When you draw a line, set a standard, decree a rule, then make it stick. If it is unreasonable and beyond the child at that point, then you must tell the child you made an error in judgment. Set the new standard and then stick by it. Your humble attitude and sensitivity will speak much louder than some unattainable and unrealistic standard. As a rule you want to hold to that standard and not allow for excuses. One violation deserves application of the punishment. However, there are times for mercy. For example, the child just woke up and while in a groggy condition forgot the new rule. Bottom line: "make your word count." If you don't mean what you say then why should the child believe what you say about the Lord and other things?
When the child willfully disobeys your word or other authorities, such as the Bible or teacher follow these 'Be sures'.
Be sure the child is not punished more than once for the same incident.
Be sure the punishment is as private as possible.
Be sure you are not angry. Emotions are acceptable, but not vengeance.
Be sure you listen to the child's explanation and you understand his/her mind.
Be sure you ask your child 'why' he/she disobeyed you / did what was wrong. At this point the youngest children need to be told that they did it because they were proud and were rebelling. Perhaps you may detect an equally significant reason such as bitterness or greed. But even those are rooted in pride. As the child matures you will need to allow them to plumb their own hearts before God and you. They still need to understand that their disobedience is the result of pride that led to the next level, which led to their action or attitude. Remember attitudes are as wrong as action. In fact, if you catch the attitudes and correct them you will often spare the child the consequences that often follow the action.
After the cause of disobedience has been uncovered and the child agrees that it is wrong, then be sure you administer the proper punishment. The youngest children need the rod. Different children at different points in time will be weaned from the rod. The rod, not your hand or emotional punishment, is the foundation for discipline. Apply it to the bottom because there is padding there. If diapers are worn then be sure the pain can be felt through the diapers. Make it painful but not harmful. Do not yield to their pleas for clemency. Keep your word. Uphold the judgment. Apply the punishment. Do not enjoy it nor abhor it. The Bible says, "he who spares the rod hates his son". The application of justice is hard for the moment but Hebrews 12:11 promises us that it "will yield the peaceful fruit of righteousness". Switches, belts, and most other instruments are crueler than a simple 2ft long closet pole. The idea at an early age is to associate pain and punishment with disobedience. As the child matures you will find that words and other consequences are more appropriate.
The most important step must now be implemented. Be sure you have the child ask for forgiveness. Do not accept 'sorry'. Sorrow is an emotion. Forgiveness is a request for action on part of the judge. This concept is so important to build into the life of a child. They will better understand the grace and forgiveness of Christ if you adhere to this step. Be sure they ask forgiveness for pride that resulted in their wrong attitude or action.
Then after that time of reconciliation, be sure to hug your child. Tell your child you love her/him. Tell your child that you are so glad they understand their pride and how wrong it is. Tell your child you are so glad Jesus forgives all of us. Please stress the inclusion of yourself as one who needs Jesus to forgive.
After all consequences have been met and reconciliation experienced, do not bring up this incident as a constant reminder. It is forgiven. Now, leave it to the past. If the child brings it up teach them how to view it as a stepping stone of growth. Help them to avoid bitterness. Children have a great capacity to learn and adapt, when they feel loved and understood. Discipline is the essential to make them feel loved, understood, and protected. I will share the underlying wisdom and urgency for discipline under "God the Wise Disciplinarian."
Guide your children to respect and honor the authorities God places in their lives. Do not belittle their authorities. That will boomerang back toward you. I have observed over the years how some parents place a respect and love for their pastor, teachers, and grandparents. I can tell you from a pastor's point of view that ministering to those children is a joy.
Finally, your consistency in applying discipline and maintaining your word enables children to trust you better. As they make the transition from your authority to God's authority their trust in you finds an easy path to trust in God. Because they believe that God is worthy of their trust just as you have been found worthy of their trust. You were neither capricious nor vengeful. Therefore, they will believe that God is even far more trustworthy and consistent.
